strike three
by mistyblue96
Summary: Because sometimes his shenanigans go a little too far and – no, it is NOT ENDEARING – she just wants to Lucy-kick him all the way to Team Rocket.


**disclaimer:** fairy tail belongs to the lovely trollshima.

* * *

The best thing about an apartment of your own, Lucy decided as she sank into liquid heaven, was the bathtub. (Okay fine, it was privacy but let's get real.) And after a day spent chasing a pet all over Magnolia while Natsu blazed a systematic trail of destruction and Happy kept making cracks at her figure, sakura-scented bubbles were just the thing.

Especially since _someone_ set the monkey's tail on fire and they had to forfeit most of the reward. This was the fourth botched job in a week.

She sighed. Well, with a few solo missions she could still make rent. Ah, hot water was magic. Soothing the skin, making all the little bruises and aches fade away, almost lulling one to…

"–cy's going to kill you."

"Crap, I'll fan 'em out."

"Hyuhyu, when I become an orphan can I go live with Charle and Wendy?"

"If she kills anyone it'll be you."

"I'm an innocent."

"You poked her butt with a pin this morning to see if it was 'full of air or just naturally fat'."

"Aye, I regret nothing."

"And what about all the fish you steal, huh? You've got one in your mouth right now–oh shit, why's it getting bigger."

"But I'm too young to die. I haven't tasted at least seven kinds of fish."

"Oh _shit_ , why is it getting _bigger_?"

"And what about Charle? She hasn't accepted my fish yet."

"Happy, focus!"

"How should I know, it's your element–ohhh _ohhh_ , if we don't make it out of this alive I'll never get to eat fish again!"

"Would ya quit yappin' about fish and–what the… are you roasting it, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK."

"THIS COULD BE MY LAST."

"…At least share, asshole!"

Whaaa?

Lucy blinked blearily. And gave herself whiplash sitting up.

What, when, _who_ …?

Oh god, those hooligans. She groaned. Why the hell were Natsu and Happy shrieking? She began to quickly wrap the towel around–

Was that smoke entering the crack?

…They didn't.

Theydidn'tdidn't _didn't_.They knew what would await them if they did, even those buffoons knew as much. Oh, they absolutely did _not_ –

As Lucy stood in the doorway wreathed in flames, towel long-forgotten, Natsu and Happy would later swear they saw the depths of hell in those eyes.

* * *

"He did what?"

"Burnt my place down," she growled, massaging her temples.

"C'mon, I didn't really burn it down. Sure, the bed got damaged and your bathroom door could use some fixin' up but it was mostly just your closet–"

" _Wardrobe_. There is nothing left of my wardrobe except ashes and if that's your apology, I swear to god–" She proceeded to list a string of consequences each more graphic than the previous till Natsu's soul seemed to leave his body and even Laxus began to look disturbed.

"Looks like you've outdone yourself, Flame-brain. This is low, even for you."

"It was an accident, you stripper freak–"

"And that makes it okay? Do you know how hard it is to find cute clothes that are also comfortable? And in case you forgot, I have _nothing to wear_."

"I-I'll make it up to ya, Lucy. Pinky swear?"

"Geehee, you snatch that finger back 'fore she snaps it. I know a thing or two about hormonal women and they're batshit cra–" she whirled around. Nobody saw what made him shut up but it was clearly potent.

"I'll buy you back everything, ne? We'll go shopping," Natsu croaked. "Get you all the same stuff."

"No matter how long it takes?"

"No matter how long it takes."

"Everything?"

"Every last thing."

"You won't keep whining till I strangle you with your scarf?"

"…I won't now."

"And when it cuts into your food expenses you'll be okay with that?"

"A-okay–wait, what?"

Heh. "You didn't think this would be affordable without making cutbacks, did you?"

"Well. How _much_ do I gotta cut back?"

"A lot."

"And just how much issat?!"

"What can I say, Natsu, designer doesn't come cheap. You're lucky I don't keep my shoes in there," she shrugged, savouring the horror on his face.

Murmurs spread around the hall. Natsu ate like a possessed man on a bad day, there was no telling how much he'd put away on a good one. This could not end well.

"He's going to say no. Natsu-san will say no and Love Rival will actually castrate him with a rusty fork and we'll have to say goodbye to little Natsu-san forever. With his baby-maker defunct she will direct her estrogen towards _Gray-sama_ and they will make love all day and all night and Juvia will die at the tender age of a broken heart, _oh cruel world_ –"

"O-oi, calm down."

("I would so read this book."

"…Perhaps not what you should be focusing on, Levy.")

"–and for the last time, I don't like him, okay?"

" _Lies_. Juvia saw the way you were staring at his delectable posterior the other day."

"He stripped in my face, _it_ was staring at me–"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT MY ASS."

"H-hic, ashually," a hand was raised. "I'd likta hear mooore."

"Ara, ara, drunk at seven already, are we?"

"Pleez, this is –hic– nothingg."

"…OH ALRIGHT, DAMMIT."

"Huh?"

"Said I'll do it, cut back or whatever," Natsu snapped.

The silence was broken by a barrel crashing to the floor followed by its owner and just like that chaos broke out.

"Natsu-nii, maybe you should have Wendy-nee take a look at you…"

"Hai, Natsu-san if you could open your mouth, Charle can you hand me the light–"

"This is surreal."

"Freed, you're so naïve. He's having a mood swing, ain't that right my babies?"

"Mood swing! Mood swing! Mood swing!"

"Mira-nee, do you think–"

"–Natsu's been kidnapped by the pod people and replaced with one of their own? Of course."

"IMPOSTER. Tell us where our Natsu is or suffer a painful death, vermin."

"Bastards, I just wanna–would ya get that damn sword away, I just wanna step up and do the right thing!" He crossed his arms sullenly. "I know I wreck stuff and that's always gettin' you in trouble and I don't mean to, honest. I'll replace everything. It'll take a while 'cause I'm broke right now, but I _will_. Even if I gotta… y'know."

Wow, he agreed. Sounding strangled by the way, and she hadn't even been serious, but still, wait– _no_. She wasn't done being mad. He should've known better, especially considering–

"You know you're not allowed to use fire at my house after the popcorn incident. What were you thinking?"

"Uhm…" he picked at a scab on his arm. "Juggling fireballs."

"Why even–"

Happy snickered. "He was trying to cheer you up, he was all 'Lucy's upset we should do something'."

Lucy blinked. "You were worryin' about the rent and I thought it would take your mind off," he muttered. His eyes darted up meeting hers. "I'm sorry, Luce."

"Natsu…"

"Psst, she's got that creepy expression, I think she's going to hit you."

"S-seriously?"

"Shut up, cat. I haven't forgotten the fat jokes, you know." He felt warmth curl around his finger. "You _idiot_. You torch my furniture, leave me without a single shred of clothing, almost roast me alive." And say something like this. This guy. "You don't have to eat less, I'm not a monster." An eyeroll. "But I _will_ hold you to that promise, do not think you're off the hook."

Natsu brightened, pinky tightening around hers. "Wouldn't dream of it. So… we cool?"

The corners of her mouth turned up against her will. "Guess we are." His answering grin was blinding, warmth pooled in her stomach. He shifted closer and something fluttered.

"They lllllike each other."

"Ah, young love," Master wiped a tear.

"Isn't it?" cooed Mira. "Looks like the ship is well on its way to canon island!"

"Juvia approves, yes, sail off into the sunset and leave her man alone. Gray-samaaa, don't you think we're nearly canon as well?"

"The hell does that mean? I don't get these naval terms you guys keep going on about–"

"Don't ask."

"Oh hush, Laxus, you know we're my OTP."

"Tch. Good."

"All this love in the air is manly!"

"…You big lout."

As the topic of her and Natsu was abandoned in favour of Elfman and Evergreen – ("Nee-san, Ever and I are just friends." "Don't call me Ever!") – she glanced at Natsu to see him staring–

 _Yikes_.

She tried to retract her hand but he caught her wrist.

"N-natsu?"

"Let's pick out some missions. Happy?"

"Aye, I saw these pretty tame ones although knowing you you'd find a way to blow something up."

"I know where you keep your secret stash."

"…No need to be hasty."

Lucy stopped mid-snort. Did he slide his palm angling it over hers? A slip. Obviously. "Commencing Operation: Wardrobe 2.0, troops," she announced, trying to ignore the beat her heart skipped.

"Yosh, I'm all fired up!" he pumped a fist, sprinting towards the request board.

And then it skipped several more. Natsu had laced their fingers together.

Smile widening even as the red crept into her cheeks, Lucy let herself be tugged along.

* * *

 **notes:** dedicated to the _awesome_ Fangoddess a.k.a Yozora-sama for getting my ass back in gear.

arigatou for reading! follow-up chapter in natsu's pov?


End file.
